Indiana Midori and the Temple of Beer
by Taloon
Summary: Midori recalls a tale of her braving great danger in search for treasure and excitement! Haruka is not amused.


**Indiana Midori and the Temple of Beer**

**Disclaimer:** I own none of this obviously, but I do claim Midori's seventeen-year-old body in the name of illicit after-school lessons. And no one owns Haruka besides Yukino.

**Song of the day:** NOFX - Bottles to the Ground

* * *

Haruka was not pleased, not that she ever was mind you, but this time her ire was not directed at a student, but at a faculty member; one who corrupted the fragile moral fabric of the school by coming in to work two hours late. Meanwhile on the other side of the school, another sort of fabric (leather biker suit to be specific) was being corrupted by the student council president, but what Haruka doesn't know won't hurt her in the least.

In the depths of the Executive Committee's inner sanctum, sat the accused, the Eternal Substitute Teacher Midori. The blonde's glasses-wearing compatriot Yukino was sitting near Haruka as usual, typing away to record every word her glorious leader said on her laptop for future generations of students to study and learn from.

"So, do you know why I called you here?" the angry one asked, tapping her fingers on the desk in a staccato rhythm. She looked at the so-called teacher with a stare that would scare newborn kittens. In fact, Yukino's cat still hides when Haruka stops by.

Midori shrugged, and then proceeded to rub both her temples, groaning in discomfort. She looked quite weary, and to be blunt, hungover. "Not really, just spill it so I can go home."

"It's only lunchtime..." Haruka's urge to kill was rising, and that was not a good thing by any stretch of the imagination. Woe to those who stand in her path.

"Oh." Midori looked at her watch, and shook her wrist, feigning ignorance of the true time. "Must've stopped."

"You were two hours late this morning," the blonde said, narrowing her eyes at the teacher. "Care to explain that? Needing a substitute for a substitute looks poorly on the school."

Midori scratched her head, trying to come up with a proper alibi, a believable one, nothing too outrageous. "Oh that... was I? Kinda hard to keep track of time, had a rough night last night."

Haruka now tapped her foot along with her fingers, perhaps wanting to drive her victim crazy so she'd confess, or perhaps to demonstrate that she has absolutely no sense of rhythm. "Doing what exactly?" She demanded answers!

The redhead didn't know exactly how to explain it; the relentless tapping was pounding in her head, making it hard to think clearly. The events of the previous night were quite fuzzy due to all the pain and suffering she had gone through. Or perhaps it was the alcohol. A mere high school student just wouldn't understand the ordeal she had gone through...

The ordeal was getting plastered. Being a Warrior of Justice, she wasn't one to lie. Bending a truth a little, well a lot in this case, didn't quite count as lying. At least that's what she told herself every time a situation such as this came up.

After thinking for several moments, she finally found the correct truth bending words to begin her tale with. "Well, I was on a quest, you see, to find a valuable treasure! I had entered a glorious temple dedicated to past gods."

_"Oh gods, give me beer!" Midori exclaimed as she entered the local Quik-e-mart, flashing a wave at the man mopping the floor as she inhaled the scent of freshly spilled booze mixed with floor cleaner. "Hiya Apu."_

_"Good evening Sugirua-san, I hope you'll find everything to your liking. We have a large selection of intoxicating beverages as always," said the man._

_Midori slammed her hand on the counter. "Anything on sale my good Hindu friend?"_

_"Oh, we have a half off sale on Yebisu non-alcoholic lager! Only four days past the expiration date!" he said excitedly, hoping to finally get rid of some of that watered down piss._

_But she was too smart to fall for that, she just gagged and waved her hand, deciding to pass on the piss-poor offer. "Not interested. I'll go take a look for myself."_

"But the path was long and full of danger. There were riddles to solve before I could continue. Such as 'speak the name of The King.'"

_B... U... D... W... I... Crash! As she was too preoccupied with the thought of getting plastered, Midori missed the wet-floor sign and slipped, landing face first on the wet floor._

Midori sighed and rested her chin in her hand. "I always spell that one wrong..."

_Apu rushed over to help her, praying that she wouldn't sue, trying to advert his eyes from the gratuitous pantyshot he was receiving due to her short skirt. "Are you alright? Please don't be suing me, I have eight children to feed," he begged, grabbing her arm to lift her up. _

_"Nah, I'm fine," she said, rubbing her forehead, continuing her trek to the beer aisle. "Just a small bump on the noggin."_

"But in the end I was saved by my trusty guide, Apu. As I continued my trek, I came across three doors. I had to look closely and choose the correct one, or face dire consequences."

_"Ehh... now what did Youko say to get? She'll kill me if I get the wrong one," Midori mused to herself as she looked over the selection in the cooler. "Ahh, that's it, the cheapest I can find..." It was the nurse's money after all, so she gets what she wants. _

_Once grabbing a case with the highest alcohol/price ratio, she lugged it up to the register, grabbing a giant bag of extra salty pretzels along the way._

"Ahh... then the treasure was mine!" Midori exclaimed with great gusto. "But, I first had to get it past the guard."

_"Will that be all for you today, customer-san?" the gracious Apu asked as the familiar thunk of beer-on-counter rang through the store. _

_Luckily Midori remembered Youko's cigarettes, as she could be more deadly than the Obsidian Lord on speed without her nicotine. "Pack of Mild Seven 100s... make that two." Can never be too careful._

"I had to prove I was worthy of such a treasure."

_"Your drivers license please, Sugirua-san." Apu said politely, bracing for the ordeal that he always went through with this eternal teenager. _

_Midori groaned, and dug through her wallet. "Again? You know I'm..."_

_"Seventeen, I know," the clerk said, cutting her off. "If you must be insisting on saying you're seventeen, I must verify that you are over the age of twenty. You know this Sugirua-san." Ahh Apu, the man of principles. Even Nao can't break through his iron will, mainly because nothing kills one's interest in sex like having eight kids._

_The redhead sighed and nodded, flipping out her card for him to see. Eternal youth has its downside it seemed. "I know I know, lets get on with it."_

"Though barely, I was able to pass this test." Midori continued. She was able to tell Haruka didn't believe a word of her story, and decided to move forward. "Finally I was on the way home to further study my findings."

_As she pulled off the lot she saw a familiar face standing on the opposite street corner standing by a lamppost, typing away on a cell phone without a care in the world. It was Yuuki Nao. Smoking to boot. The teacher stopped at the red light and leaned over the passenger seat and poked her head out the window. "Hey! You're not old enough for that!" she shouted at the delinquent. _

_Nao lifted her gaze from her phone and took another drag, eyeing the case of beer in the back seat. "Neither are you, Miss Seventeen," she snorted, going back to browsing her list of messages. Deciding which pedophile to mug first was not an easy task._

_Midori grimaced and returned her attention to the road, noticing the light turning green. "I'll have Sister have a little chat with you," she shouted out at the girl as she speed off._

_Nao shrugged. She had scarred the nun for life last time they had a little chat. She'd be converting to Satanism after the next._

Before Midori could tell any more of her tall-tale, Haruka bagged her hand on her desk. "Enough! We know you were out drinking. We received an anonymous tip when you didn't show up for homeroom."

"Shit... Nao..." Midori muttered under her breath. It was Nao's class she was substituting for after all. "Well, I did have a victory drink... or twelve..." she said begrudgingly, trying to count up the number of beers she drank on her fingers. Once she ran out, she gave up and just settled on ten. "Err ten."

Haruka snarled. "We heard you were galloping around drunk, making passes at teenage boys..."

"Gallivanting Haruka-chan..." the faithful assistant corrected without even looking up from her computer screen. She pushed her glasses cutely back up where they had slipped before continuing typing.

"Shut up Yukino!" Haruka screamed, waving her fist in the air. A vein was threatening to pop out of her forehead and behead someone at any moment. Neither tanks nor girls with glasses could stop her when she's angry.

Midori just scratched the back of her head, looking quite befuddled. "Hey, I did no such thing." There was no galloping or gallivanting; it was just a nice quiet evening inside watching the Indiana Jones box set with Youko. And no passes were made, at least not at any boys... as far as she remembered...

Haruka dug through a pile of papers and found the proper disciplinary form fill out for such an instance. "Enough of your lame excuses just go back to work. I'll send a memo to the Headmaster, and she can deal with you herself."

The redhead just groaned and stood up, and made her way to the door. "Ehh, whatever. She'll believe my story."

* * *

Nao just wouldn't give up. She couldn't. It wasn't in her blood. He'd crack for sure. No straight man could resist her advances.

"Awww... c'mon, wouldn't you like a piece of this?" she said, shaking her cute butt at the cashier, and holding her skirt up just enough to show she wasn't wearing any panties.

Apu gulped, his fingers nervously tapping on the counter, beads of sweat rolling down his face like an avalanche. "I have a wife and eight children. I cannot be doing those type of things."

The redhead pouted her cutest pout. "Pweeeze Sir, I'll do anything..." she cooed, bending over just a little bit, giving him a glimpse of the Promised Land, Valhalla, Shangrila, or whatever is used to describe a teenage girl's nether regions.

But Apu held firmly. He closed his eyes to lessen the oh-so-tempting temptation, since every man has his limits. "No, and that's final."

Nao just smirked. This is going to take the heavy artillery. "My ass not to your liking? How about my mouth, hmmm?"

"Goodness gracious!" the man exclaimed at the thought, banging his head on the counter a few times to knock the impure thoughts from his mind. "No! Please stop or I'll be calling the police!"

The teenager growled. The police. That's all she needed. She had absolutely no effect on them. The local department had caught on her antics, and sends the gay officers when they get a call on her. "All right, fine. Just give me that extra large box of condoms and I'll be out of your hair," she said, exasperated.

Apu looked quite relieved at this turn of events.. "Thank you! Oh thank you Yuuki-san!" he said excitedly, producing the box of contraceptives from the display by the register, ringing them up along with her bags of Bugles and gummi worms.

After everything was bought and paid for he pointed at the door. "Now get out of here you evil harlot!"

Nao turned in a flourish, so her skirt would fly up and give him another peek. "Next time," she muttered under her breath as she walked out the door.

"Come again!" the now cheerful cashier shouted from behind her.

She'd come again all right. For now, she'd just have some random pervert to buy her some cigs for a quick grope; she wouldn't even have to spend any of her own money. But, she still hadn't given up, next time for sure she thought, opening one of her bags and popping a worm in her mouth.


End file.
